I knew I couldn't allow myself to go through the same lack of emotional stability as I did an year ago. If I was to return home this Summer, I had to make things work in a different way this time. It isn't hard to figure that, sometimes, it is difficult to control emotions and ignore what we feel down the paths of our own personal troubles, such as our insecurities, powerlessness toward something or someone, expectations not met, frustations, and so on. Luckly enough, as I approach my last month of vacation and start looking back at the plans I've made for it, I can state with more clarity that those simple choices have been fitting in perfectly with what I needed to successfully walk away from the devils that were taking over my head for quite a while.
"Keep the mind busy, keep the mind busy, keep the mind busy..." was my number one moto if I ever wanted to go back home. I had to, though. It had been almost an year away. If I didn't return, I had no clue when the next opportunity would be. Making money was another issue. I also needed to, and that would be easier to get in Brazil. Two months before traveling back, I got in touch with the coordinator of an English school I had studied at when I was little. "We might have vacancies for you to teach here, so try to get back to us once you have returned," as she replied. Three days after I was back, I set up an appointment with her. When I arrived, the secretary handed me an hour-long English exam in order to assess my skills with the language and, after finishing it, my name was called. I walked into the office of the lady I had previously talked to, and we chatted about my life experiencies as well as how the school's methodology and rules worked. The following day, I was on the first of the 3-day training program.
A regular day of work consisted of arriving around 3pm to start teaching every one hour, from 3:30 to 9:30pm. Students are able to schedule their classes depending on the day and time that better fit their personal schedules. Having said that, the school is composed of several English instructors, each having their own list of students for the day. Each of us are supposed to go to the reception, call up the student's name, teach for 55 minutes, bring the student back to the reception after class is over and walk into the teachers' room to check the name of the next student; repeating the process for six times, from Mondays to Saturdays. It is certainly very dynamic and time goes by fairly quicky. In a day when all the 6 students who had scheduled their classes with you do show up, there is pretty much no time to eat anything or even go to the bathroom. That, however, doesn't always happen and, often, a class is cancelled, the student doesn't arrive at school or no one schedules a class within any particular time slot with you. And that is when we get to rest and use the free time to go eat, to read a book, to chat with the other instructors, to go for a cigarette outside, or whatever you feel like doing.
Sounds like a pretty standard/uneventful job (which it actually is, on the surface), but there was one special factor that I was certainly not expecting when I first thought of working there. And that was the number of people I've been having the chance to meet along the way. I can't make it a rule, so, speaking for myself, I find it difficult, when staying abroad in the long run, to remain absolutely connected to and present in the life I use to have back at where my roots are. At the same time that we do end up meeting individuals from all sorts of background on the road, the contact we have with them rarely lasts for long, not mentioning the whole adaptation in culture and behavior we go through in order to fit ourselves in to the place and situation of the moment. That being said, and taking into account the fact that I hadn't really met a lot of Brazilians IN Brazil during the few times I was back home, meeting so many nice instructors with either similar or different life experiences and students with all sorts of interesting stories to tell only made me feel a little more human. A little more situated and connected to my country. A little more sure of who the real Isabella is. A little more certain of where I wanna be in the future as well as the kinds of people I believe I should surround myself with.
Perhaps the truth is that life has recently led me to make choices that, though being tough to forget about and get over with, have finally allowed me to free myself from what was truly holding me back. There is now a feeling that things are slowly getting back on track and maybe these "small changes with big consequences" have only brought me more possibilities, different ideas, maturity, learnings and the chance to allow others to enter my life in which I could have never imagine how positively they would affect me, being them aware of it or not.
In less than two months, I've taught to people ranging from ten to sixty years of age. I've taught to people who complained about how bad and useless the books the school use are and/or how little time they have to study the language outside class. From young kids and teenagers to couples, trios and friends, a guy with dyslexia and a lady who is going to continue her scientific research in Harvard. People who are risking losing their jobs for not speaking English or who are about to miss a great professional opportunity for the exact same reason. There are those who come to class but clearly don't want to be there and those who make that extra effort to not only attend class but also to hand in all the homework for correction. I've taught adults that ended up getting off of their chests that they are still clueless about what to do for a living as well as 14 or 15-year olds with a defined passion and a clear goal for the future. I've had people feel inspired and motivated after asking me about my life stories, at the same time that I cannot count how many times I myself have felt astonished by the stories and experiences I heard inside the classroom. Since day one, I've had to deal with shy, funny, clever, boring, creepy, outgoing, talkative, inspiring, serious, rude and, well, you name the types of people we are susceptible of encountering out there.
And, as a consequence of this daily relationship with students and instructors came the ability (and one that I didn't know I was so good at) to deal and cooperate with individualities and differences (whether in behavior, belief, personality, etc).
With the students, I learned that, in some occasions, it is necessary to impose myself to gain one's respect and, in others, that to allow someone to step up and be more proactive in class is what works best.
I learned that pace will never be the same for everyone and that the goal is to find the balance between learning as much as possible and not making it become overwhelming to the point it is unproductive.
I vividly noticed that motivation and enthusiasm is what it takes a person to truly learn (not only a language, but literally anything), and that these two components can be more valuable and effective than a 10-hour class in a row (this idea, to me, is so important that I've been incorporating it into my plans for the future).
I learned that what it might be 100% clear in my mind can still be a big hurdle for others and, likewise, that what is an easy explanation to understand for someone doesn't mean it will be for others. The goal is, therefore, to adapt to each student and vary the teaching methodology, according to his or her needs.
I also learned not to take the fact that I speak English for granted and to really appreciate and admire those who speak two, three, or four languages fluently. It was only after starting this job that it seems like I've finally realized how difficult and complex it is to learn a new language. It requires years of dedication, years of effort and years of patience. It is not easy and not for everybody (I'm certainly not trying to show off here as I'm not aware of many people out there who ended up taking longer to learn or had a harder time in the process than I did. The point is that, after teaching for a while, you come to notice that some people will never get to fully learn it. Some are better or worse in certain tasks/skills than others. This is completely ok, and even necessary for society). But it did bring me more respect in relation to students' (and people's) concerns and doubts. Every once in a while, when I hear a question that I judge it to be silly, for example, I now remind myself that I had probably asked the same question when I was the one learning English, and the concept also works for my life outside work.
With the other instructors, the relationship has been very informal since the first day. In the beginning, you try to learn how things work. Then you find yourself surrounded by internal jokes that you try to pick up and don't quite get at first. Naturally, though, you start getting to know everybody and feel like you are part of the group. It is at least interesting to recognize the fact that some instructors are beyond nice and easy to get along with and there are those who prefer not to talk too much or that don't really enjoy being there. The subjects we catch ourselves talking about may range from the most stupid jokes about anything (i)relevant during the week, to youtube videos, to someone telling a good story, to anything related to politics or religion, to making fun of students as well as cursing at each other's face for not serious to very serious purposes. It is really easy to tell that we all need to be careful about what we say or omit. In a room with around 20 instructors of all ages together every day, it is almost impossible to have us all getting along well with everyone. There are those who you connect right away. There are others who you truly have nothing in common with.
It is an environment full of compatibilities and incompatibilities. There is a significant amount of bad temper as well as true friendships. Laugher and stress. Kindness and rudeness. Love and hate.
And those are the reasons why it might have been all worth it. In such a short period of time, I couldn't have imagined the impact that all the ones I met caused in my life. It will indeed be sad to say goodbye. But that is another point right here. It took me a while to accept this but, nowadays, I can state that I constantly try to enjoy those I meet as much as possible while they are next to me, because I know that, sooner or later, they won't be around anymore.
And that should be the final remark of this post, that by having these experiences, I have accepted in an easier way the idea that, whether we want it or not, all is temporary. From feelings such as happiness or nervousness. Friendships or break ups. Travels to random people you meet. From becoming rich to getting poor again. From life or death, and so on. It is all temporary and so that must add an extra dose of excitement in trying to make the best out of, literally, every single thing you put yourself into. Being it positive or negative, I believe that each experience we go through during our lives are the ones in charge of shaping our future and in transforming the person we will end up becoming, day after day, month after month, year after year.
I still have a lot to go through until I feel confident enough to say that whatever I am doing in life is the right thing. As life progresses, however, I can at least say that I'm on the right path, and the gives me the courage to keep going and seeking for bigger and bigger goals over time.
For whatever it is what you want in life, can you say that you are in the right path as well? If so, what is it you can do to improve yourself even further? If not, where is it that you need to correct, stop or start doing to turn yourself around?
Time is ticking :)
