December, 21th, 2014. Christmas day is just right around the corner, even though it seems like the whole Christmas spirit gets started whenever the month of December begins. Here in Milan, the outside temperature has been quite low. The buildings with Christmas lights turn dark nights into brighter ones, streets and stores around town are extremely decorated with red carpets, bells of all shapes and sizes, stockings filled with candies and crackers. There are impressive Christmas trees, ornaments and baubles of so many kinds that leaves us wondering whether last year's Christmas was even close to being as beautiful as this one has been.
Throughout the entire month of December you hear people discussing about what to cook, what gifts to buy and where to spend the 25th. I happen to have no special plans for it, so I immediately find myself wishing I was home, wishing that I could live some of my childhood's best memories once again.
Back in time, me and my big family would all spend the 24th, 25th and 26th together. There was always an absurd amount of food on the table and recipes that we hadn't seen during 365 exact days. Each one of us knew each other so well that there was no need to have manners, to act formally or anything like that. In reality, the opposite was true. Grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters would constantly make fun of each other, joking around, telling stories, catching up on the latest events. There was no need to introduce yourself or be introduced to someone else. We were all family members and, Christmas, for us, used to be a huge family gathering time; a few short days we had to watch TV together and eat non-stop until we could no longer walk. We used to exchange gifts, play secret santa, take pictures, etc. There just seemed to be nothing in the world that could be better than that.
"I want to go back. I want to go back and contemplate the joy of Christmas the same way I used to when I was younger," as I constantly thought to myself a couple of weeks ago.
But as I think a little harder, I come to realize that I better stay where I am. Somewhere in between these 5 or 6 years that I have been away during Christmas, more people ended up joining our family. Some of our cousins and relatives got engaged and are now married. Some of them found better job opportunities elsewhere and could never make it to our Christmas celebration again. Some of them no longer get along with each other because of circumstances that none of us can possibly explain why. Some of them have already passed away, others are now holding babies in their arms and planning to spend Christmas Eve at someone else's place.
Perhaps all the nostalgia I feel as Christmas approaches refers to my willingness to do whatever it takes to step inside a time machine and go back to those short best days of the year when me and my family would experience during the holiday. Perhaps all I wanted was that those who are no longer among us could wish me Merry Christmas one more time, or that I could have had at least the chance to say goodbye to them before they were gone. Perhaps I simply wanted to see my family getting along with each other. There is only so much I can take from being aware of people I care about not being able to even stay in the same room together or noticing that the relationship between some of them has been disrupted over time.
Perhaps this is what it means to grow up. To face the idea that the world we live in is not always so wonderful and that life in general is far from being all flowers and rainbows. When we are young, we believe the usually perfect Christmas holiday will be successfully repeated over and over, that family relationships are flawless and that everybody loves each other.
Perhaps the only thing I am left with is to constantly remind myself to enjoy the present to the fullest and all the good people and experiences that might come along with it, because as much as we desire to bring some of our past back into life again, they simply never will.
Places change, people change, relationships change. They all come and go. If you are going through one of those exhilarating moments in life, live it up to it and do not take any second of it for granted. Chances are that you won't get to experience them ever again.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Monday, September 29, 2014
Hobbies as the Priority. Schooling and Professional Experience During our Free Time? Hmm...
September 25th, 2014. Back to Milan for what is supposed to be my last year of school. As of now, the amount of work left until I finally get my degree is slowly sinking in, as I've been mentally preparing myself for some rough times ahead. Well, let me not worry about this right now.
I am writing this one to shortly describe a rather curious experience I have been gladly going through these past weeks.
Today, if I am to forecast this last remaining year of school that has started around a week ago, I believe it will serve me as enough time to process the latest events, analyze them all and allow them to turn me into a more mature person. I like to think that this "one-year-personal-time-out-
Out of everything that happened during vacations, an apparently insignificant encounter has struck me in a rather unexpected manner. In a quite uneventful afternoon, I was getting ready for another day of work and oddly searching for a pair of black socks hidden under the pile of total mess that I often let my bedroom turn itself into. I glanced at the left corner of the room and, as if it was almost staring at me and saying "Hey, I am here, please use me," I saw my photographic camera, thrown in there (probably since the first day I arrived), right on the floor, as a little toy rejected by a child after getting a new one from his parents.
I grabbed it and, exactly in a period when I was pushing myself towards finding activities to spend some time with, I decided to include my camera back into my daily routines of life again. But this time was different, however. If I am not mistaken, I use to enjoy photography from way back into my childhood, but nowadays it feels like, for the first time, it has providing me with a greater meaning and importance (ah, the perks of growing up..!).
Looking in retrospect, I would often ask myself (and still do) the reason why we, poor human beings of planet Earth, let a number of "extra curricular activities" slip away from our lives in order to give room, for instance, to what is thought to be more relevant or, some would say, "more appropriate/suitable in the jouney of becoming someone in life." Ha!
Along with this typical questioning one might have every once in while comes this also frequent doubt of "alright, so, what exactly constitutes a valid activity to be worth spending our time with, then?" After all, it is so easy to get trapped by the self-imposed rigid structures of our society today that we might, as a result, end up thinking that the "correct" steps of life would resemble something like: going to school, getting ready for thousands of exams, graduating in order to possibly find a good job (etc, etc) and, after finding that job, work hard to receive a promotion, buy a car, buy a house (etc, etc, etc).
For some of you, like me, the answer for the two questions above represents a sort of a dilemma. Nonetheless, it is when we stop to think about them that things can start getting fairly interesting. For example, let's call the act of taking pictures an extra-curricular activity (or whatever you call something that you usually do, with enjoyment, during your leisure time or - according to any source you may find on the Web - any activity that falls outside the realm of the normal curriculum of school or job). Likewise, let's assume that I have been taking pictures of pretty much everything that catches my attention as a hobby - another useful term in this case. Hobbies play different roles depending on what they are meant for and on the type of person undertaking it. It might be an activity one performs in order to break the boring and stressful routines of the day, to fill up time, to avoid procrastination, to relax, or for no well-defined reason. But in addition to all the possible situations just mentioned, hobbies can also play a deeper role in someone's life.
To me, what it has been so awesome about this recent "hobby" of mine is the ability to assess it, both specifically and in a broader sense, with regard to the way it's been affecting me as well as on the new spectrum upon which it has enabled me to face life.
The seemingly simple idea of capturing moments in picture format means nothing less than leaving home trying to figure out what are the scenes I will get to see through the camera lens. Going out to find anything "picturable" can also work as a reason for me not to stay inside my room for hours wasting time with the threatening capabilities of where my mind can lead me to (it is needless to say that time alone is essential, but there are different forms of letting your mind wander off; some better than others, of course). Photographing the world around you means, to a large extent, becoming more aware of your surroundings. With some practice, then, it can allow the photographer to perceive his or her own world by noticing how full of details it is and by realizing the delightfulness of a simple moment and/or scenery we usually take for granted throughout the day.
Similarly, the more time I spend - from a few minutes to a couple of hours - exploring places trying to find the best shot, the more I come to visualize the fact that we seem to live in a pretty shallow reality of what the world around us is actually composed of and what it can provide to each one of us. Staying outdoors going after the best picture of the day means finding beauty where, in the surface, there seems to be none, means becoming an active seeker of moments worth capturing for posterity, means balancing patience and awareness at the same time, means showing others the way you see the world with your own eyes.
I can also relate the act of taking pictures to situations and circumstances we all end up dealing with now and then as life unfolds. It has taught me the importance and uniqueness of what a fraction of a second may represent within a decision-making process. You target the lens toward an object or a person, for example, and, if you take the picture too early, you might risk adjusting the camera features - zoom, angle, lightening, and others - inappropriately. If you wait too much, you might as well miss out on the person's perfect facial expression you wanted to portray in the first place, or that object you wanted a picture of might have disappeared behind a car passing by. Sometimes you won't be given the same exact scenario or not even the same objects or characters ever again. It all comes down to recognizing that one right fraction of a second - not too soon, not too late - and using it in order to get the best result out of it. Analyzing a given situation, thinking quickly and making sure you don't miss it or let it go. And here is a good definition for the word "opportunity," on whatever aspect of life we might be applying it for.
Photography can also teach us a lot about observation, self-expression and the divergence in perspective individuals posses - not only strictly through pictures themselves, but by using other types of art, such as writing, painting, playing an instrument, etc. - upon which we can best express our feelings, thoughts, emotions, values and beliefs. What I perceive as being a good (define good…) picture, therefore, won't have the same effect to a number of other people out there. What I might call an album of pictures taken of poor children in an X area of a Y country a "true and absolute masterpiece of colors, contrasts and reality" might, in turn, represent the very opposite to someone else. This text that I am writing right now, as another form of self-expression or art, if you will, might be positively related and understood by some, while others may read it and think that it is all stupid, wrong, or meaningless.
And this is what makes it all beautiful. That photography exposes the particular perspectives of the photographer. That a poem represents a capturing moment in the life of the author. That an "abstract painting" is everything but abstract to the painter. That street dance might look like an "ugly" dance style for someone, yet for the street dancer, it can mean the vivid representation of his or her own background, whose parents' lives were spent on the suburb communities throughout the 70's.
On a final note, I believe that any source of self-expression, either defined as a hobby, type of art or extra-curricular activity, needs to be constantly explored, developed and made present on our daily lives. And it does not matter how good or bad we are in accomplishing it. I am not a good photographer and don't know anything technical about it. But it still changes the way I perceive the world around me and it also allows me to express myself to an extent that I can share a little bit of my own reality with others.
There is a great deal of opportunities out there that sometimes go "against the normal patterns of life" that our society wants us to follow. The goal, however, should be to keep in mind that these same opportunities usually prove to be more valuable learning tools than a whole life spent in school or in the work environment. Lessons that you won't learn in class, watching your favorite TV show while eating Oreos on a Tuesday afternoon or by oversleeping after a long night of heavy drinking. Life is anything other than "simply what it is," and there sure is a magnificent world of possibilities out there waiting for us to be discovered. Go out there, explore it, change the way you see the world and face reality frequently, and ultimately enjoy the ride as you move along with it :)
I am writing this one to shortly describe a rather curious experience I have been gladly going through these past weeks.
Today, if I am to forecast this last remaining year of school that has started around a week ago, I believe it will serve me as enough time to process the latest events, analyze them all and allow them to turn me into a more mature person. I like to think that this "one-year-personal-time-out-
Out of everything that happened during vacations, an apparently insignificant encounter has struck me in a rather unexpected manner. In a quite uneventful afternoon, I was getting ready for another day of work and oddly searching for a pair of black socks hidden under the pile of total mess that I often let my bedroom turn itself into. I glanced at the left corner of the room and, as if it was almost staring at me and saying "Hey, I am here, please use me," I saw my photographic camera, thrown in there (probably since the first day I arrived), right on the floor, as a little toy rejected by a child after getting a new one from his parents.
I grabbed it and, exactly in a period when I was pushing myself towards finding activities to spend some time with, I decided to include my camera back into my daily routines of life again. But this time was different, however. If I am not mistaken, I use to enjoy photography from way back into my childhood, but nowadays it feels like, for the first time, it has providing me with a greater meaning and importance (ah, the perks of growing up..!).
Looking in retrospect, I would often ask myself (and still do) the reason why we, poor human beings of planet Earth, let a number of "extra curricular activities" slip away from our lives in order to give room, for instance, to what is thought to be more relevant or, some would say, "more appropriate/suitable in the jouney of becoming someone in life." Ha!
Along with this typical questioning one might have every once in while comes this also frequent doubt of "alright, so, what exactly constitutes a valid activity to be worth spending our time with, then?" After all, it is so easy to get trapped by the self-imposed rigid structures of our society today that we might, as a result, end up thinking that the "correct" steps of life would resemble something like: going to school, getting ready for thousands of exams, graduating in order to possibly find a good job (etc, etc) and, after finding that job, work hard to receive a promotion, buy a car, buy a house (etc, etc, etc).
For some of you, like me, the answer for the two questions above represents a sort of a dilemma. Nonetheless, it is when we stop to think about them that things can start getting fairly interesting. For example, let's call the act of taking pictures an extra-curricular activity (or whatever you call something that you usually do, with enjoyment, during your leisure time or - according to any source you may find on the Web - any activity that falls outside the realm of the normal curriculum of school or job). Likewise, let's assume that I have been taking pictures of pretty much everything that catches my attention as a hobby - another useful term in this case. Hobbies play different roles depending on what they are meant for and on the type of person undertaking it. It might be an activity one performs in order to break the boring and stressful routines of the day, to fill up time, to avoid procrastination, to relax, or for no well-defined reason. But in addition to all the possible situations just mentioned, hobbies can also play a deeper role in someone's life.
To me, what it has been so awesome about this recent "hobby" of mine is the ability to assess it, both specifically and in a broader sense, with regard to the way it's been affecting me as well as on the new spectrum upon which it has enabled me to face life.
The seemingly simple idea of capturing moments in picture format means nothing less than leaving home trying to figure out what are the scenes I will get to see through the camera lens. Going out to find anything "picturable" can also work as a reason for me not to stay inside my room for hours wasting time with the threatening capabilities of where my mind can lead me to (it is needless to say that time alone is essential, but there are different forms of letting your mind wander off; some better than others, of course). Photographing the world around you means, to a large extent, becoming more aware of your surroundings. With some practice, then, it can allow the photographer to perceive his or her own world by noticing how full of details it is and by realizing the delightfulness of a simple moment and/or scenery we usually take for granted throughout the day.
Similarly, the more time I spend - from a few minutes to a couple of hours - exploring places trying to find the best shot, the more I come to visualize the fact that we seem to live in a pretty shallow reality of what the world around us is actually composed of and what it can provide to each one of us. Staying outdoors going after the best picture of the day means finding beauty where, in the surface, there seems to be none, means becoming an active seeker of moments worth capturing for posterity, means balancing patience and awareness at the same time, means showing others the way you see the world with your own eyes.
I can also relate the act of taking pictures to situations and circumstances we all end up dealing with now and then as life unfolds. It has taught me the importance and uniqueness of what a fraction of a second may represent within a decision-making process. You target the lens toward an object or a person, for example, and, if you take the picture too early, you might risk adjusting the camera features - zoom, angle, lightening, and others - inappropriately. If you wait too much, you might as well miss out on the person's perfect facial expression you wanted to portray in the first place, or that object you wanted a picture of might have disappeared behind a car passing by. Sometimes you won't be given the same exact scenario or not even the same objects or characters ever again. It all comes down to recognizing that one right fraction of a second - not too soon, not too late - and using it in order to get the best result out of it. Analyzing a given situation, thinking quickly and making sure you don't miss it or let it go. And here is a good definition for the word "opportunity," on whatever aspect of life we might be applying it for.
Photography can also teach us a lot about observation, self-expression and the divergence in perspective individuals posses - not only strictly through pictures themselves, but by using other types of art, such as writing, painting, playing an instrument, etc. - upon which we can best express our feelings, thoughts, emotions, values and beliefs. What I perceive as being a good (define good…) picture, therefore, won't have the same effect to a number of other people out there. What I might call an album of pictures taken of poor children in an X area of a Y country a "true and absolute masterpiece of colors, contrasts and reality" might, in turn, represent the very opposite to someone else. This text that I am writing right now, as another form of self-expression or art, if you will, might be positively related and understood by some, while others may read it and think that it is all stupid, wrong, or meaningless.
And this is what makes it all beautiful. That photography exposes the particular perspectives of the photographer. That a poem represents a capturing moment in the life of the author. That an "abstract painting" is everything but abstract to the painter. That street dance might look like an "ugly" dance style for someone, yet for the street dancer, it can mean the vivid representation of his or her own background, whose parents' lives were spent on the suburb communities throughout the 70's.
On a final note, I believe that any source of self-expression, either defined as a hobby, type of art or extra-curricular activity, needs to be constantly explored, developed and made present on our daily lives. And it does not matter how good or bad we are in accomplishing it. I am not a good photographer and don't know anything technical about it. But it still changes the way I perceive the world around me and it also allows me to express myself to an extent that I can share a little bit of my own reality with others.
There is a great deal of opportunities out there that sometimes go "against the normal patterns of life" that our society wants us to follow. The goal, however, should be to keep in mind that these same opportunities usually prove to be more valuable learning tools than a whole life spent in school or in the work environment. Lessons that you won't learn in class, watching your favorite TV show while eating Oreos on a Tuesday afternoon or by oversleeping after a long night of heavy drinking. Life is anything other than "simply what it is," and there sure is a magnificent world of possibilities out there waiting for us to be discovered. Go out there, explore it, change the way you see the world and face reality frequently, and ultimately enjoy the ride as you move along with it :)
Sunday, August 24, 2014
It is all a little deeper than what's on the surface
I knew I couldn't allow myself to go through the same lack of emotional stability as I did an year ago. If I was to return home this Summer, I had to make things work in a different way this time. It isn't hard to figure that, sometimes, it is difficult to control emotions and ignore what we feel down the paths of our own personal troubles, such as our insecurities, powerlessness toward something or someone, expectations not met, frustations, and so on. Luckly enough, as I approach my last month of vacation and start looking back at the plans I've made for it, I can state with more clarity that those simple choices have been fitting in perfectly with what I needed to successfully walk away from the devils that were taking over my head for quite a while.
"Keep the mind busy, keep the mind busy, keep the mind busy..." was my number one moto if I ever wanted to go back home. I had to, though. It had been almost an year away. If I didn't return, I had no clue when the next opportunity would be. Making money was another issue. I also needed to, and that would be easier to get in Brazil. Two months before traveling back, I got in touch with the coordinator of an English school I had studied at when I was little. "We might have vacancies for you to teach here, so try to get back to us once you have returned," as she replied. Three days after I was back, I set up an appointment with her. When I arrived, the secretary handed me an hour-long English exam in order to assess my skills with the language and, after finishing it, my name was called. I walked into the office of the lady I had previously talked to, and we chatted about my life experiencies as well as how the school's methodology and rules worked. The following day, I was on the first of the 3-day training program.
A regular day of work consisted of arriving around 3pm to start teaching every one hour, from 3:30 to 9:30pm. Students are able to schedule their classes depending on the day and time that better fit their personal schedules. Having said that, the school is composed of several English instructors, each having their own list of students for the day. Each of us are supposed to go to the reception, call up the student's name, teach for 55 minutes, bring the student back to the reception after class is over and walk into the teachers' room to check the name of the next student; repeating the process for six times, from Mondays to Saturdays. It is certainly very dynamic and time goes by fairly quicky. In a day when all the 6 students who had scheduled their classes with you do show up, there is pretty much no time to eat anything or even go to the bathroom. That, however, doesn't always happen and, often, a class is cancelled, the student doesn't arrive at school or no one schedules a class within any particular time slot with you. And that is when we get to rest and use the free time to go eat, to read a book, to chat with the other instructors, to go for a cigarette outside, or whatever you feel like doing.
Sounds like a pretty standard/uneventful job (which it actually is, on the surface), but there was one special factor that I was certainly not expecting when I first thought of working there. And that was the number of people I've been having the chance to meet along the way. I can't make it a rule, so, speaking for myself, I find it difficult, when staying abroad in the long run, to remain absolutely connected to and present in the life I use to have back at where my roots are. At the same time that we do end up meeting individuals from all sorts of background on the road, the contact we have with them rarely lasts for long, not mentioning the whole adaptation in culture and behavior we go through in order to fit ourselves in to the place and situation of the moment. That being said, and taking into account the fact that I hadn't really met a lot of Brazilians IN Brazil during the few times I was back home, meeting so many nice instructors with either similar or different life experiences and students with all sorts of interesting stories to tell only made me feel a little more human. A little more situated and connected to my country. A little more sure of who the real Isabella is. A little more certain of where I wanna be in the future as well as the kinds of people I believe I should surround myself with.
Perhaps the truth is that life has recently led me to make choices that, though being tough to forget about and get over with, have finally allowed me to free myself from what was truly holding me back. There is now a feeling that things are slowly getting back on track and maybe these "small changes with big consequences" have only brought me more possibilities, different ideas, maturity, learnings and the chance to allow others to enter my life in which I could have never imagine how positively they would affect me, being them aware of it or not.
In less than two months, I've taught to people ranging from ten to sixty years of age. I've taught to people who complained about how bad and useless the books the school use are and/or how little time they have to study the language outside class. From young kids and teenagers to couples, trios and friends, a guy with dyslexia and a lady who is going to continue her scientific research in Harvard. People who are risking losing their jobs for not speaking English or who are about to miss a great professional opportunity for the exact same reason. There are those who come to class but clearly don't want to be there and those who make that extra effort to not only attend class but also to hand in all the homework for correction. I've taught adults that ended up getting off of their chests that they are still clueless about what to do for a living as well as 14 or 15-year olds with a defined passion and a clear goal for the future. I've had people feel inspired and motivated after asking me about my life stories, at the same time that I cannot count how many times I myself have felt astonished by the stories and experiences I heard inside the classroom. Since day one, I've had to deal with shy, funny, clever, boring, creepy, outgoing, talkative, inspiring, serious, rude and, well, you name the types of people we are susceptible of encountering out there.
And, as a consequence of this daily relationship with students and instructors came the ability (and one that I didn't know I was so good at) to deal and cooperate with individualities and differences (whether in behavior, belief, personality, etc).
With the students, I learned that, in some occasions, it is necessary to impose myself to gain one's respect and, in others, that to allow someone to step up and be more proactive in class is what works best.
I learned that pace will never be the same for everyone and that the goal is to find the balance between learning as much as possible and not making it become overwhelming to the point it is unproductive.
I vividly noticed that motivation and enthusiasm is what it takes a person to truly learn (not only a language, but literally anything), and that these two components can be more valuable and effective than a 10-hour class in a row (this idea, to me, is so important that I've been incorporating it into my plans for the future).
I learned that what it might be 100% clear in my mind can still be a big hurdle for others and, likewise, that what is an easy explanation to understand for someone doesn't mean it will be for others. The goal is, therefore, to adapt to each student and vary the teaching methodology, according to his or her needs.
I also learned not to take the fact that I speak English for granted and to really appreciate and admire those who speak two, three, or four languages fluently. It was only after starting this job that it seems like I've finally realized how difficult and complex it is to learn a new language. It requires years of dedication, years of effort and years of patience. It is not easy and not for everybody (I'm certainly not trying to show off here as I'm not aware of many people out there who ended up taking longer to learn or had a harder time in the process than I did. The point is that, after teaching for a while, you come to notice that some people will never get to fully learn it. Some are better or worse in certain tasks/skills than others. This is completely ok, and even necessary for society). But it did bring me more respect in relation to students' (and people's) concerns and doubts. Every once in a while, when I hear a question that I judge it to be silly, for example, I now remind myself that I had probably asked the same question when I was the one learning English, and the concept also works for my life outside work.
With the other instructors, the relationship has been very informal since the first day. In the beginning, you try to learn how things work. Then you find yourself surrounded by internal jokes that you try to pick up and don't quite get at first. Naturally, though, you start getting to know everybody and feel like you are part of the group. It is at least interesting to recognize the fact that some instructors are beyond nice and easy to get along with and there are those who prefer not to talk too much or that don't really enjoy being there. The subjects we catch ourselves talking about may range from the most stupid jokes about anything (i)relevant during the week, to youtube videos, to someone telling a good story, to anything related to politics or religion, to making fun of students as well as cursing at each other's face for not serious to very serious purposes. It is really easy to tell that we all need to be careful about what we say or omit. In a room with around 20 instructors of all ages together every day, it is almost impossible to have us all getting along well with everyone. There are those who you connect right away. There are others who you truly have nothing in common with.
It is an environment full of compatibilities and incompatibilities. There is a significant amount of bad temper as well as true friendships. Laugher and stress. Kindness and rudeness. Love and hate.
And those are the reasons why it might have been all worth it. In such a short period of time, I couldn't have imagined the impact that all the ones I met caused in my life. It will indeed be sad to say goodbye. But that is another point right here. It took me a while to accept this but, nowadays, I can state that I constantly try to enjoy those I meet as much as possible while they are next to me, because I know that, sooner or later, they won't be around anymore.
And that should be the final remark of this post, that by having these experiences, I have accepted in an easier way the idea that, whether we want it or not, all is temporary. From feelings such as happiness or nervousness. Friendships or break ups. Travels to random people you meet. From becoming rich to getting poor again. From life or death, and so on. It is all temporary and so that must add an extra dose of excitement in trying to make the best out of, literally, every single thing you put yourself into. Being it positive or negative, I believe that each experience we go through during our lives are the ones in charge of shaping our future and in transforming the person we will end up becoming, day after day, month after month, year after year.
I still have a lot to go through until I feel confident enough to say that whatever I am doing in life is the right thing. As life progresses, however, I can at least say that I'm on the right path, and the gives me the courage to keep going and seeking for bigger and bigger goals over time.
For whatever it is what you want in life, can you say that you are in the right path as well? If so, what is it you can do to improve yourself even further? If not, where is it that you need to correct, stop or start doing to turn yourself around?
Time is ticking :)
"Keep the mind busy, keep the mind busy, keep the mind busy..." was my number one moto if I ever wanted to go back home. I had to, though. It had been almost an year away. If I didn't return, I had no clue when the next opportunity would be. Making money was another issue. I also needed to, and that would be easier to get in Brazil. Two months before traveling back, I got in touch with the coordinator of an English school I had studied at when I was little. "We might have vacancies for you to teach here, so try to get back to us once you have returned," as she replied. Three days after I was back, I set up an appointment with her. When I arrived, the secretary handed me an hour-long English exam in order to assess my skills with the language and, after finishing it, my name was called. I walked into the office of the lady I had previously talked to, and we chatted about my life experiencies as well as how the school's methodology and rules worked. The following day, I was on the first of the 3-day training program.
A regular day of work consisted of arriving around 3pm to start teaching every one hour, from 3:30 to 9:30pm. Students are able to schedule their classes depending on the day and time that better fit their personal schedules. Having said that, the school is composed of several English instructors, each having their own list of students for the day. Each of us are supposed to go to the reception, call up the student's name, teach for 55 minutes, bring the student back to the reception after class is over and walk into the teachers' room to check the name of the next student; repeating the process for six times, from Mondays to Saturdays. It is certainly very dynamic and time goes by fairly quicky. In a day when all the 6 students who had scheduled their classes with you do show up, there is pretty much no time to eat anything or even go to the bathroom. That, however, doesn't always happen and, often, a class is cancelled, the student doesn't arrive at school or no one schedules a class within any particular time slot with you. And that is when we get to rest and use the free time to go eat, to read a book, to chat with the other instructors, to go for a cigarette outside, or whatever you feel like doing.
Sounds like a pretty standard/uneventful job (which it actually is, on the surface), but there was one special factor that I was certainly not expecting when I first thought of working there. And that was the number of people I've been having the chance to meet along the way. I can't make it a rule, so, speaking for myself, I find it difficult, when staying abroad in the long run, to remain absolutely connected to and present in the life I use to have back at where my roots are. At the same time that we do end up meeting individuals from all sorts of background on the road, the contact we have with them rarely lasts for long, not mentioning the whole adaptation in culture and behavior we go through in order to fit ourselves in to the place and situation of the moment. That being said, and taking into account the fact that I hadn't really met a lot of Brazilians IN Brazil during the few times I was back home, meeting so many nice instructors with either similar or different life experiences and students with all sorts of interesting stories to tell only made me feel a little more human. A little more situated and connected to my country. A little more sure of who the real Isabella is. A little more certain of where I wanna be in the future as well as the kinds of people I believe I should surround myself with.
Perhaps the truth is that life has recently led me to make choices that, though being tough to forget about and get over with, have finally allowed me to free myself from what was truly holding me back. There is now a feeling that things are slowly getting back on track and maybe these "small changes with big consequences" have only brought me more possibilities, different ideas, maturity, learnings and the chance to allow others to enter my life in which I could have never imagine how positively they would affect me, being them aware of it or not.
In less than two months, I've taught to people ranging from ten to sixty years of age. I've taught to people who complained about how bad and useless the books the school use are and/or how little time they have to study the language outside class. From young kids and teenagers to couples, trios and friends, a guy with dyslexia and a lady who is going to continue her scientific research in Harvard. People who are risking losing their jobs for not speaking English or who are about to miss a great professional opportunity for the exact same reason. There are those who come to class but clearly don't want to be there and those who make that extra effort to not only attend class but also to hand in all the homework for correction. I've taught adults that ended up getting off of their chests that they are still clueless about what to do for a living as well as 14 or 15-year olds with a defined passion and a clear goal for the future. I've had people feel inspired and motivated after asking me about my life stories, at the same time that I cannot count how many times I myself have felt astonished by the stories and experiences I heard inside the classroom. Since day one, I've had to deal with shy, funny, clever, boring, creepy, outgoing, talkative, inspiring, serious, rude and, well, you name the types of people we are susceptible of encountering out there.
And, as a consequence of this daily relationship with students and instructors came the ability (and one that I didn't know I was so good at) to deal and cooperate with individualities and differences (whether in behavior, belief, personality, etc).
With the students, I learned that, in some occasions, it is necessary to impose myself to gain one's respect and, in others, that to allow someone to step up and be more proactive in class is what works best.
I learned that pace will never be the same for everyone and that the goal is to find the balance between learning as much as possible and not making it become overwhelming to the point it is unproductive.
I vividly noticed that motivation and enthusiasm is what it takes a person to truly learn (not only a language, but literally anything), and that these two components can be more valuable and effective than a 10-hour class in a row (this idea, to me, is so important that I've been incorporating it into my plans for the future).
I learned that what it might be 100% clear in my mind can still be a big hurdle for others and, likewise, that what is an easy explanation to understand for someone doesn't mean it will be for others. The goal is, therefore, to adapt to each student and vary the teaching methodology, according to his or her needs.
I also learned not to take the fact that I speak English for granted and to really appreciate and admire those who speak two, three, or four languages fluently. It was only after starting this job that it seems like I've finally realized how difficult and complex it is to learn a new language. It requires years of dedication, years of effort and years of patience. It is not easy and not for everybody (I'm certainly not trying to show off here as I'm not aware of many people out there who ended up taking longer to learn or had a harder time in the process than I did. The point is that, after teaching for a while, you come to notice that some people will never get to fully learn it. Some are better or worse in certain tasks/skills than others. This is completely ok, and even necessary for society). But it did bring me more respect in relation to students' (and people's) concerns and doubts. Every once in a while, when I hear a question that I judge it to be silly, for example, I now remind myself that I had probably asked the same question when I was the one learning English, and the concept also works for my life outside work.
With the other instructors, the relationship has been very informal since the first day. In the beginning, you try to learn how things work. Then you find yourself surrounded by internal jokes that you try to pick up and don't quite get at first. Naturally, though, you start getting to know everybody and feel like you are part of the group. It is at least interesting to recognize the fact that some instructors are beyond nice and easy to get along with and there are those who prefer not to talk too much or that don't really enjoy being there. The subjects we catch ourselves talking about may range from the most stupid jokes about anything (i)relevant during the week, to youtube videos, to someone telling a good story, to anything related to politics or religion, to making fun of students as well as cursing at each other's face for not serious to very serious purposes. It is really easy to tell that we all need to be careful about what we say or omit. In a room with around 20 instructors of all ages together every day, it is almost impossible to have us all getting along well with everyone. There are those who you connect right away. There are others who you truly have nothing in common with.
It is an environment full of compatibilities and incompatibilities. There is a significant amount of bad temper as well as true friendships. Laugher and stress. Kindness and rudeness. Love and hate.
And those are the reasons why it might have been all worth it. In such a short period of time, I couldn't have imagined the impact that all the ones I met caused in my life. It will indeed be sad to say goodbye. But that is another point right here. It took me a while to accept this but, nowadays, I can state that I constantly try to enjoy those I meet as much as possible while they are next to me, because I know that, sooner or later, they won't be around anymore.
And that should be the final remark of this post, that by having these experiences, I have accepted in an easier way the idea that, whether we want it or not, all is temporary. From feelings such as happiness or nervousness. Friendships or break ups. Travels to random people you meet. From becoming rich to getting poor again. From life or death, and so on. It is all temporary and so that must add an extra dose of excitement in trying to make the best out of, literally, every single thing you put yourself into. Being it positive or negative, I believe that each experience we go through during our lives are the ones in charge of shaping our future and in transforming the person we will end up becoming, day after day, month after month, year after year.
I still have a lot to go through until I feel confident enough to say that whatever I am doing in life is the right thing. As life progresses, however, I can at least say that I'm on the right path, and the gives me the courage to keep going and seeking for bigger and bigger goals over time.
For whatever it is what you want in life, can you say that you are in the right path as well? If so, what is it you can do to improve yourself even further? If not, where is it that you need to correct, stop or start doing to turn yourself around?
Time is ticking :)
Monday, July 14, 2014
Master's degree: First year down
Today is June 30th, 2014. Last time I wrote on my blog, I was about to start the second semester at UCSC and, today, I am here to write an overview of how it all went.It turned out that my father came over for a week or so on February 12th. 4 days in Milan, where I was happily able to show him around and how my daily life looks like; 2 days in Genova to visit our cousin Renata; and 2 or 3 days in Switzerland. To Switzerland, we traveled by train until Interlaken and, from there, to the final destination, in Grindelwald. What an awesome/unique trip with daddy! Me and him have very similar and strong personalities, and sometimes we end up having some minor issues because of that. Throughout the time we spent together, however, we managed to only enjoy each other's company and make the best out of it. The places we were able to see can barely be described with words. Switzerland completely blew our minds away. It was a dream for my father to be there. Swiss people seemed to be very polite and "well-raised." No trash on the streets, very organized traffic and expensive stuff to buy. We took some of the most beautiful pictures I have and the scenery will certainly stay in our minds forever.
The day my father returned home, Andre, my friend who had been doing his master in France at the time, also came over for a visit, and classes started the day after he left. So, February obviously passed by in a second for me.Classes this semester felt like they were not easier, but simpler this time. I took public management, supply chain management, political and public economics and the second module of transnational commercial law. Besides feeling that I was now completely adapted to how things work at school, these four classes did not require much other than studying and getting ready for assignments by myself.
Another big friend came over to visit in April and that was very special. We got to enjoy each other as much as possible and also went to visit Parma and Garda, which are two very pretty cities not too far from Milan. Passing spring break, I still had about a month to start getting ready for final examinations. As I have mentioned before, it has been hard to find that motivation to study for hours straight as I used to do back in college. I did what I needed not to put myself in an embarrassing situation and, luckily enough, the results ended up being a lot better than I expected. I had my third exam on June 10th, and the last one was only going to be on the 24th. That meant that I had 2 weeks solely to study for that last test and, well, that was way too much time wandering around. I was skyping my parents one day and they encouraged me to go travel somewhere.
I didn't think twice before messaging my two Belgium friends from the tennis team back at RMU to make sure they were home and, in 2 hours, I had increadibly purchased the tickets to go visit them from the 12th to the 15th. That turned out to be one of the best trips of my life. Nothing specifically made it be that great, but I was just extremely happy to be there. From the moment I arrived, they picked me up from the aiport to go to a bar watch the opening of the World Cup, Brazil vs. Croatia, and that was a lot of fun. The following day, and a little hangover, we took a train to Brugges. The sky was the prettiest thing ever. We explored the place, ate some delicious typical food and had a number of different Belgium beers. It felt great to be able to catch up with them and keep the mind away from the daily problems. The capital, Brussels, was our next destination and, again, we spent the whole day walking around, eating, drinking, taking pictures, and so on. I loved the fact that everyone appeared to be genuinely nice, happy, and interested about me (and wondering what the hell was a Brazilian girl doing in Europe instead of being back in Brazil for the World Cup…!)
After vising their cities and meeting their families and friends, it was time to return to Milan and study for that final exam. The course was political and public economics and, although the subject might have been of my interest, the studying part did not quite happen, as I was more worried about watching the World Cup games and in going to the park than anything else. Well, somehow I made things happen and, on the 24th, I was ready to put that final down and rush to the Central Station pick Annah up, a big friend of mine who is doing a sort of an Eurotrip and decided to stop by. Again, it was great to see and catch up with her again, since it had been almost two years since we last saw each other. After showing her the city, eating some great Italian food, watching a few soccer games at night and going for a random but fun trip to Pavia, it was time for us to say goodbye on the 27th and start packing, because I was finally going home on the 28th.
Passing the stress of making sure I was bringing all I wanted/needed and overcoming the trauma of going to the airport 6 hours earlier to watch Brazil vs. Chile that turned out to be a failure, I finally returned to Brazil. There are a number of good things in this world but, right now, I would say that the best one is to have food on the table, your laundry done and your bed made for your every day. Ah, back into that easy and super convenient life again.
As I write and go back to assess my past year since I went to Milan, it is not hard to state that I have grown a lot as a person. I have been feeling more independent, mature and confident than I could ever imagine I was going to be. Some of my uncertainties started to be answered at the same time that new questions showed up in my head. As long as I am able to successfully deal with them from an emotional point of view, though, I believe it is all valid. And apparently that is exactly what has been happening to me, so I am glad to feel like I have been only improving and slowly becoming a better person.
It might be a long road, but as of now, it does head North. All is good, then.
On a final note, I don't really feel inspired to write today. I hope to get back here after Summer break with some better insights about whatever it might be.
The day my father returned home, Andre, my friend who had been doing his master in France at the time, also came over for a visit, and classes started the day after he left. So, February obviously passed by in a second for me.Classes this semester felt like they were not easier, but simpler this time. I took public management, supply chain management, political and public economics and the second module of transnational commercial law. Besides feeling that I was now completely adapted to how things work at school, these four classes did not require much other than studying and getting ready for assignments by myself.
Another big friend came over to visit in April and that was very special. We got to enjoy each other as much as possible and also went to visit Parma and Garda, which are two very pretty cities not too far from Milan. Passing spring break, I still had about a month to start getting ready for final examinations. As I have mentioned before, it has been hard to find that motivation to study for hours straight as I used to do back in college. I did what I needed not to put myself in an embarrassing situation and, luckily enough, the results ended up being a lot better than I expected. I had my third exam on June 10th, and the last one was only going to be on the 24th. That meant that I had 2 weeks solely to study for that last test and, well, that was way too much time wandering around. I was skyping my parents one day and they encouraged me to go travel somewhere.
I didn't think twice before messaging my two Belgium friends from the tennis team back at RMU to make sure they were home and, in 2 hours, I had increadibly purchased the tickets to go visit them from the 12th to the 15th. That turned out to be one of the best trips of my life. Nothing specifically made it be that great, but I was just extremely happy to be there. From the moment I arrived, they picked me up from the aiport to go to a bar watch the opening of the World Cup, Brazil vs. Croatia, and that was a lot of fun. The following day, and a little hangover, we took a train to Brugges. The sky was the prettiest thing ever. We explored the place, ate some delicious typical food and had a number of different Belgium beers. It felt great to be able to catch up with them and keep the mind away from the daily problems. The capital, Brussels, was our next destination and, again, we spent the whole day walking around, eating, drinking, taking pictures, and so on. I loved the fact that everyone appeared to be genuinely nice, happy, and interested about me (and wondering what the hell was a Brazilian girl doing in Europe instead of being back in Brazil for the World Cup…!)
After vising their cities and meeting their families and friends, it was time to return to Milan and study for that final exam. The course was political and public economics and, although the subject might have been of my interest, the studying part did not quite happen, as I was more worried about watching the World Cup games and in going to the park than anything else. Well, somehow I made things happen and, on the 24th, I was ready to put that final down and rush to the Central Station pick Annah up, a big friend of mine who is doing a sort of an Eurotrip and decided to stop by. Again, it was great to see and catch up with her again, since it had been almost two years since we last saw each other. After showing her the city, eating some great Italian food, watching a few soccer games at night and going for a random but fun trip to Pavia, it was time for us to say goodbye on the 27th and start packing, because I was finally going home on the 28th.
Passing the stress of making sure I was bringing all I wanted/needed and overcoming the trauma of going to the airport 6 hours earlier to watch Brazil vs. Chile that turned out to be a failure, I finally returned to Brazil. There are a number of good things in this world but, right now, I would say that the best one is to have food on the table, your laundry done and your bed made for your every day. Ah, back into that easy and super convenient life again.
As I write and go back to assess my past year since I went to Milan, it is not hard to state that I have grown a lot as a person. I have been feeling more independent, mature and confident than I could ever imagine I was going to be. Some of my uncertainties started to be answered at the same time that new questions showed up in my head. As long as I am able to successfully deal with them from an emotional point of view, though, I believe it is all valid. And apparently that is exactly what has been happening to me, so I am glad to feel like I have been only improving and slowly becoming a better person.
It might be a long road, but as of now, it does head North. All is good, then.
On a final note, I don't really feel inspired to write today. I hope to get back here after Summer break with some better insights about whatever it might be.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
The First Semester Report
If I am not mistaken, I promised to update my blog every 2 weeks or so. Ha, that's why you can never trust what Isa says. Well, simply put, it is a mixture of "not too much to talk about in 2 weeks" and "too much to write about after 2 weeks." Well, you know what I mean.
My last examination was on January 29th, so I am finally having some quality time with myself, and writing here was on my vacation's to-do list.
Looking back from the time I first arrived until now, I feel like the first one or two months were great. I spent weeks going out and meeting people day after day, while also being amused (and let me add confused) with the new life. My classes were scheduled to end by December 20th and, as the date was approaching, I was suddenly given an astonishing amount of projects, papers, presentations and group assignments to work on, which quickly loaded up my already agitated schedule and, obviously, it all became quite stressful.
I have to say I was fairly happy with my performance on all the projects and assignments given. The fact that every group I was part of was composed of several students from different nationalities certainly added extra challenges, but the feedback was positive and grades were good. I cannot emphasize enough the importance I give to all these group works. If I had a choice, I would rather work by myself all the time. I don't like to think this way, but I am rarely satisfied with other people's job and usually think that I can do better, but analyzing everyone's behavior and trying to get the most out of each team member in a way that can bring the best quality of their work together in an effective/efficient manner is what truly satisfies me. The way I see it, working with people is a very complex trade-off between knowing how to express what you need from them, delegating the tasks so they can work on what they are best at, while making them feel empowered enough to be willing to contribute the most in trying to reach the best outcomes we can get as a team. I just love analyzing how a "simple group work" is anything but simple, and how that might resemble only a fraction of what I am yet to face in real life. These experiences truly help me evaluate what I have done right or where I could have improved on, and I just can't wait to put everything that I have been learning into practice.
Classes were over and I was a little exhausted. Three days later, however, I was heading to Croatia for Christmas and New Year. It took me a whole day trip by train and bus to finally arrive in Rovinj, where Una, my friend from RMU, lives in. I did enjoy the ride, though. I left Milano early morning to make my first stop in Venice, then to Trieste (which was great, because I had some time to walk around the city where my great-grandfather was born) and from Trieste, a bus took me to the final destination. It was a 2-hour bus drive, and that is where we cross the Italian/Croatian border. It was already dark out, and I fell asleep. I remember being woken up by a police officer. I had no idea of what was going on. He asked me for my passport, and still trying to fully open my eyes, it came to mind that we were at the border and that they were certainly asking for passports. I freaked out for 2 seconds. When I was packing earlier that day, I was like "I am not gonna bring my passport, since it is likely that I will lose it somewhere, but wait, I might need it for entering bars or clubs so, okay, let me bring it with me." How stupid of me to not even imagine I would have to use it for serious purposes. Anyway, I had it, somewhere in my backpack that, by the way, was inside the trunk underneath the bus, haha. It was a little embarrassing having all the passengers and Croatian cops staring at me putting my shoes on and getting off the bus to show them the passport until we could all finally proceed with the ride.
The time I spent in Croatia was just amazing. Andre, a big friend of mine, was also there, and it was great seeing him since last time, when we graduated. Una's family was very sweet and kind to us. Her city is one of the prettiest I have ever seen and her friends were all very cool and funny people. We went to Zagreb, the capital, for New Year's eve with her and a few of her friends. She had purchased our tickets for the club we were going on the 31st and it was a Brazilian themed party (what are the odds of that happening?!). My tolerance to attending clubs has been near to zero lately (yes, I already feel too old for that), but I did have a great, great time. I remember witnessing a number of fights, which according to everyone, it was just normal, and a lot of kids completely wasted. Well, happy new year!
On January 2nd I returned to Milan, ready to start preparing myself for final examinations. Boy, that was a pain. Little I knew that I had to adapt to how it all worked again. Different (completely different, if I am to detail how it all works) than RMU, here we have a whole semester of lectures and a few "unofficial" examinations. The official examinations period can last for up to 2 months, and we basically have 3 chances for passing a test or to retake it if we are not satisfied with the final grade. Besides that, what I really struggled with was on the way they test us. The exams are mostly open-ended questions (let me remember how many times I've ever had to write anything down on a test…) or simply oral exams. Yes, on the test day, the professor calls your name to have an individual assessment of what you have learned along the course. The open-ended-question exams sucked. The questions are generally very vague, meaning that you have to use the time given - never enough - to write as much as you can or until your hand hurts so much that you cannot write anymore. Seriously. I remember the very first one I took.. I was so proud I got to write around half a page for each question. When professor said "time is up," I looked around me, and saw the Italian students having pages and pages and pages written down. I was like "Fuck. Whatever. When is the second-chance exam date again?!" On the other hand, I did like the oral method of examination. Besides evaluating your learnings in a more direct and "proper" way, the secret is being confident that you know what you are talking about, and that's it. The amount of material each of the exams covered were massive, and that really weighted on my shoulders. Crazy to think how my production level of study has decreased over time. I am not sure, but sometimes I feel like I have spent too much time in school and I am now kind of sick of it. But there are 3 other semesters waiting for me, and I better find that extra energy to go through them.
As of now, I am on vacations until the 23th, when my second semester starts. And it has been great so far. I am using the time to go work out as much as possible, to read that list of books I wanted to read but did not have the time to, to focus a little bit more on the Italian, to explore a little more of the city, etc. Oh, and I bought myself a 2000-piece puzzle that has entertained me for hours as well.
Overall, it has already been a great beginning of a year, and a lot more is yet to come. This month will be awesome, April will be awesome, August will be awesome, and perhaps October is also promising. Too many great things to look forward to.
My last examination was on January 29th, so I am finally having some quality time with myself, and writing here was on my vacation's to-do list.
Looking back from the time I first arrived until now, I feel like the first one or two months were great. I spent weeks going out and meeting people day after day, while also being amused (and let me add confused) with the new life. My classes were scheduled to end by December 20th and, as the date was approaching, I was suddenly given an astonishing amount of projects, papers, presentations and group assignments to work on, which quickly loaded up my already agitated schedule and, obviously, it all became quite stressful.
I have to say I was fairly happy with my performance on all the projects and assignments given. The fact that every group I was part of was composed of several students from different nationalities certainly added extra challenges, but the feedback was positive and grades were good. I cannot emphasize enough the importance I give to all these group works. If I had a choice, I would rather work by myself all the time. I don't like to think this way, but I am rarely satisfied with other people's job and usually think that I can do better, but analyzing everyone's behavior and trying to get the most out of each team member in a way that can bring the best quality of their work together in an effective/efficient manner is what truly satisfies me. The way I see it, working with people is a very complex trade-off between knowing how to express what you need from them, delegating the tasks so they can work on what they are best at, while making them feel empowered enough to be willing to contribute the most in trying to reach the best outcomes we can get as a team. I just love analyzing how a "simple group work" is anything but simple, and how that might resemble only a fraction of what I am yet to face in real life. These experiences truly help me evaluate what I have done right or where I could have improved on, and I just can't wait to put everything that I have been learning into practice.
Classes were over and I was a little exhausted. Three days later, however, I was heading to Croatia for Christmas and New Year. It took me a whole day trip by train and bus to finally arrive in Rovinj, where Una, my friend from RMU, lives in. I did enjoy the ride, though. I left Milano early morning to make my first stop in Venice, then to Trieste (which was great, because I had some time to walk around the city where my great-grandfather was born) and from Trieste, a bus took me to the final destination. It was a 2-hour bus drive, and that is where we cross the Italian/Croatian border. It was already dark out, and I fell asleep. I remember being woken up by a police officer. I had no idea of what was going on. He asked me for my passport, and still trying to fully open my eyes, it came to mind that we were at the border and that they were certainly asking for passports. I freaked out for 2 seconds. When I was packing earlier that day, I was like "I am not gonna bring my passport, since it is likely that I will lose it somewhere, but wait, I might need it for entering bars or clubs so, okay, let me bring it with me." How stupid of me to not even imagine I would have to use it for serious purposes. Anyway, I had it, somewhere in my backpack that, by the way, was inside the trunk underneath the bus, haha. It was a little embarrassing having all the passengers and Croatian cops staring at me putting my shoes on and getting off the bus to show them the passport until we could all finally proceed with the ride.
The time I spent in Croatia was just amazing. Andre, a big friend of mine, was also there, and it was great seeing him since last time, when we graduated. Una's family was very sweet and kind to us. Her city is one of the prettiest I have ever seen and her friends were all very cool and funny people. We went to Zagreb, the capital, for New Year's eve with her and a few of her friends. She had purchased our tickets for the club we were going on the 31st and it was a Brazilian themed party (what are the odds of that happening?!). My tolerance to attending clubs has been near to zero lately (yes, I already feel too old for that), but I did have a great, great time. I remember witnessing a number of fights, which according to everyone, it was just normal, and a lot of kids completely wasted. Well, happy new year!
On January 2nd I returned to Milan, ready to start preparing myself for final examinations. Boy, that was a pain. Little I knew that I had to adapt to how it all worked again. Different (completely different, if I am to detail how it all works) than RMU, here we have a whole semester of lectures and a few "unofficial" examinations. The official examinations period can last for up to 2 months, and we basically have 3 chances for passing a test or to retake it if we are not satisfied with the final grade. Besides that, what I really struggled with was on the way they test us. The exams are mostly open-ended questions (let me remember how many times I've ever had to write anything down on a test…) or simply oral exams. Yes, on the test day, the professor calls your name to have an individual assessment of what you have learned along the course. The open-ended-question exams sucked. The questions are generally very vague, meaning that you have to use the time given - never enough - to write as much as you can or until your hand hurts so much that you cannot write anymore. Seriously. I remember the very first one I took.. I was so proud I got to write around half a page for each question. When professor said "time is up," I looked around me, and saw the Italian students having pages and pages and pages written down. I was like "Fuck. Whatever. When is the second-chance exam date again?!" On the other hand, I did like the oral method of examination. Besides evaluating your learnings in a more direct and "proper" way, the secret is being confident that you know what you are talking about, and that's it. The amount of material each of the exams covered were massive, and that really weighted on my shoulders. Crazy to think how my production level of study has decreased over time. I am not sure, but sometimes I feel like I have spent too much time in school and I am now kind of sick of it. But there are 3 other semesters waiting for me, and I better find that extra energy to go through them.
As of now, I am on vacations until the 23th, when my second semester starts. And it has been great so far. I am using the time to go work out as much as possible, to read that list of books I wanted to read but did not have the time to, to focus a little bit more on the Italian, to explore a little more of the city, etc. Oh, and I bought myself a 2000-piece puzzle that has entertained me for hours as well.
Overall, it has already been a great beginning of a year, and a lot more is yet to come. This month will be awesome, April will be awesome, August will be awesome, and perhaps October is also promising. Too many great things to look forward to.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
You.Can.Live.Your.Dream.
I don't know what that dream is that you have. I don't care how disappointing it might had been as you are working toward that dream. That that dream that you are holding in your mind, that it's possible. That some of you already know that it's hard. It's not easy. It is hard changing your life. That in the process of working on your dreams, you are going to incur a lot of disappointment. A lot of failure. A lot of pain. There are moments when you are going to doubt yourself. You are gonna think "God, why is this happening to me? I am just trying to take care of my children and my mother, I am not trying to steal or rob from anybody. Why does that have to happen to me?" For those of you that have experienced some hardships, don't give up on your dream. The bad times are gonna come, but they have not come to stay, they have come to pass.
Greatness is not this wonderful, exoteric, elusive, God-life feature that only the special among us will ever taste, you know, it is something that truly exists, in all of us. It is very important for you to believe that you are the one. Most people, they raise a family, they earn a living and then they die. They stop growing, they stop working on themselves, they stop stretching, they stop pushing themselves. That a lot of people like to complain, but they don't wanna do anything about their situation. And most people don't work on their dreams. Why? One is because of failure. The fear of failure. "What if things don't work out?" And the fear of success. "What if they do and I can't handle it? These are not risk takers.
You spend so much time with other people. You spend so much time trying to get people to like you. You know other people more than you know yourself. You studied them, you know about them, you wanna hang out like them, you wanna be just like them. And you know what, you have been investing so much time in them you don't even know who you are. I challenge you to spend time by yourself.
It is necessary that you get the losers outta your life if you want to live your dream. But for people who are running toward their dreams, life has a special kind of meaning. When you become the right person, what you do is you start separating yourself from other people, you begin to have a certain uniqueness, as long as you are not following another people, as long as you ain't being a copycat. You won't never ever be the best copycat in the world, but you will be the best you could be. I am challenging you to de(re)define your values.
That everybody won't see it, that everybody won't join you, that everybody won't have the vision. It is necessary to know that. That you are an uncommon breed. It is necessary that you align yourself with people that attract people into your business. Who are hungry. People who are unstoppable and unreasonable. People who are refusing to live life just as it is, and who want more.
That people that are living there dream are attracting winners to attach themselves to. The people that are living their dreams are the people that know that if it is going to happen, it is up to them.
If you wanna be more successful, if you wanna have and do stuff that you ain't never done before, number 1 thing that I am asking is to invest in you. To invest in you. Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality. That you don't have to go through life being a victim. That even though you face disappointments, you have to know within yourself, that "I can do this even if no one else sees it from me, Imma see it for myself."
"This is what I believe, and I am willing to die for it. Period." No matter how bad it is, or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. I wanna represent an idea, I wanna represent possibilities. As some of you right now, you wanna be, you know what I'm saying, you wanna go to the next level. I wanna counsel, I wanna be an engineer, I wanna be a doctor.. Listen to me, you can't get to that level, you can't get to that level economically where you wanna be until you start investing in your mind. You are not reading books? I'm challenging you to go to congresses. I dare you to invest time. I dare you to be alone. I dare you to spend an hour getting to know yourself.
When you become who you are, when you become the person that you are created to be; designed to be who you are designed to be, when you become an individual, what you do is you take yourself and you start separating yourself from other people. I challenge you to go to a place where people don't like you and don't even bother you no more. Why? Because you are not concerned with how to make them happy, because you are trying a little more, you are trying to get to the next level. I need you to invest in your mind. To invest in your mind. But you are still talking about your dream, but you are still talking about your goal. If you haven't done anything, just take the first step.
That you can make your parents proud, you can make your school proud, you can touch millions of people's lives, and the world will never be the same again, because you came this way. Don't let nobody steal your dream. As we face a rejection, and a "no," and we have a meeting and no one shows up, or someone says "You can count on me," but they don't come through... Why is it that we have that kind of attitude? Because we possess. Nobody believes in you, you have lost again and again and again, the lights are cut off, but you are still looking at your dream, reviewing it every day and saying yourself "It is not over, until I win."
You can live your dream.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
And it Has Already Been One (Long and Great) Month
Why is it that as you grow older it seems like each day, week and month goes by in such an awfully fast speed?!
As I sit down to spend a couple minutes writing this post, it comes to mind that it has already been more than a month since I moved out. And just as I predicted before, it feels like everything is still new and that I am yet to find out and get used to many other things as well.
Classes started 3 weeks ago. The very two days were actually a little disappointing, however. First, you gotta make that whole effort to wake up and arrive at school. Once you are there, you assume that it would take you around 15 minutes in between getting lost and finally finding your classroom, but neh. I easily spent 40 minutes walking around those huge and old Italian buildings around "campus" (located in different streets of the city). By accident, then, you find out that one class had been canceled, or another transferred to another room in a completely different place or that your professor took 20 minutes to arrive to class and so on.
Talking about being late... I have noticed that Italians are always late. I mean, always. But their lateness works in a somehow different way. Italians are late not because they cannot manage their time well, like us Brazilians, usually do. Italians are late because they value saying a long goodbye to their husbands and wives before going to work. They do not say good morning to their neighbors and simply walk away. They have to first chat about how was last soccer game's score and what was up for the weekend. Italians think that it is more important to enjoy drinking their cappuccino, no matter how long it would take them to finish it, than rushing to arrive at their final destination. After all, life is all about priorities, isn't it?!
Likewise, I have noticed how 4 years in the U.S have changed my own concept of time and punctuality. Brazilians, in general, are always late. Lets say you have an appointment somewhere with someone at 10:30am. If being late to the appointment does not affect you (you would not risk being late to go see the doctor, once it would make you lose your place on his schedule, for example), you will leave home around 10:28! My parents used to be an exception to this case, though. Mom not so much, but dad is always on time, meaning that throughout my entire life, we would be the first ones to arrive to the restaurant, to the party, to the wedding.. But being late is not something seen as impolite or bad. In Brazil it is just acceptable. Or at least you expect others to be late as well. On the other hand, in America.. Hah! I still remember going to class during the first weeks and not understanding the point of having the professor arriving 15 minutes before class. Assuming his class started at 8:00 am, professor would awkardly stare at the students or impatiently look at the clock for those 15 minutes, as if he was counting the seconds until he was finally able to speak. 8:00am: "Good morning everyone. In today's class we are going to talk about.." Hahah that was great! (and weird...).
I feel like young Americans are not so punctual, but eventually they will become. American adults are generally always on time, and by the end, I was used to it and liked it. Even because whenever I was back home in Brazil, I would frequently argue with my friends about the fact that they were late every single time. "Why the F*** are you 25 minutes late.. Like, what were you doing before?" "Hey, chill out Isa, why being on time anyway?..," as they would answer. So, here in Italy, it seems like I need to get used to this so common lateness again. Anyway, after the first couple days, professors and students did decide to go to class in a more reasonable time, and it all got very interesting. At first, I tried to take 5 classes, but the university does it in such a way that there is no possible chance to take 5 classes without having one overlaping the other, as well as no possible way to have Mondays or Fridays free. Well, the best I could get was classes on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. No class on Wednesdays and Thursdays, which still made me happy.
Also, classes for my Masters are twice a week for a total of 5 hours, so this is another issue. After the first hour in the classroom, I am more paying attention to the professor's Italian accent than to what he is actually talking about. But the fact that all classes are beyond interesting and that students are overall smart and willing to discuss and learn makes up for it. I have also been trying to understand how their grading system works, which is still absolutely unclear to me. But in the meantime, as I did back in college, I have been doing my part. I attend class, participate, discuss and do some research on what I have just learned after I get back home. Already had a few presentations here and there, and the one that professor graded I got 30 out of 30, so, yeah, all good. Talking about presentations.. One of the great things this program has been teaching me is on how to deal and work with so many culturally diverse people. Most of the projects are in groups. One of the groups I have been working with is composed by me (a Brazilian who went to college in the U.S), a Romenian and three Germans, in which two of them had done their bachelors somewhere else. Man! The whole assignment was supposed to take a one-day meeting, but we ended up spending 3 days discussing and arguing the way the project should have been done. It was stressful, but I kept thinking on how interesting it is to analyze the different ways they think and the way they do stuff.. I am sure the American or Brazilian way is not alike the German way, which in turn has even less to do with the Romanian way, and vice versa. Fact is, if you are gonna be working in such a diverse workforce in a multinational company or whatever, you are going to have to deal with these differences every time, so better be used to them now than later. Besides this one, I am also in this group where I am the only foreigner and the other 5 girls are Italians. Amazing. They are great and it feels good when we have to meet up to work on our projects while drinking cappucino, smoking cigaretes and eating croissaints outside the bar.
They ask me to speak English so they can practice and I ask them to speak Italian so I can practice. I like the exchange. Another interesting fact is to notice that most of these students (depending on the class, there might be 90% Italians and 10% foreigners. Other classes might just be the opposite), are going through the exact same situation as I did during the last 4 years. In the case of these girls from my group, for instance, they do speak English but sometimes they have to think before saying something or say it wrong or not even say anything because they don't know how to. So, as we were working on this presentation (which is about something very very simple and quick) they start like "omg, I don't want to present, or I am not sure how to explain this or say that.." Professor, at first, said it was fine to have only one person going up front and present, but he soon changed his mind to at least two people, so they had to decide who was gonna be the "unlucky" one to present the project with me. The girl chosen then called me to ask if I could help her out on what to say and how to explain her part of the slides. We then met up to practice it and I helped her simplify her sentences and explain her topics. This was 5 days before the presentation. My plan was to only look at the slides right before class, when I believe I would have time. The point is just that once you are finally able to speak the language and after doing thousands of presentations along the way, you simply don't care anymore.. It is just not a big deal.
When you are still on that phase when you simply cannot communicate exactly what you want or what it comes to mind without having to think of it, however, presenting something in front of the class can be a hurdle. If the person also feels uncomfortable speaking in public, then that makes the situation even more difficult. After we were done practicing and she was feeling more confident, she thanked me 4 times and told me to go to her place to cook some pasta and drink wine one day. Hah, I am certainly stopping by, but just told her that it is an enormous pleasure to help because you relate their stories and situations to your own, and you understand exactly how it is to be in their shoes. That makes it even easier to help. You know what they need, what they are looking for, what kinds of things they need to hear to make them feel better or more encouraged...So, overall, the Masters program has been wonderful. I can never wait to go to class to see my friends, listen to my professors' accent, see what kinds of arguments me and my group will get ourselves into and listen to all the class discussions, once they provide me with a whole new "European perspective," from students coming from all over the world.
Other than that, I bought myself an old city bike to help me go places. Going to the supermarket is easier and faster now. Going to school now only takes me 20mins, but I am telling, it is a little dangerous. The shortest way goes through two big highways and I have the slight feeling that I will eventually end up being ran over by a car or a truck. I tell my parents the streets are calm and safe. Don't want to make them worry about me. That old saying "I am not lying, I am just omitting" is how I handle it with them. Sometimes you do want to tell what actually happened or how something actually is, but it would just make them freak out. I guess the worst feeling is the one when you are extremely worried about someone/something, but you are too far from that person/thing to have any control over, ultimately feeling powerless/not able to change a situation. So my goal is to never let them concerned about me. "Everything is fine and great around here.."
Ok. Enough of writing for today. The latest news are that I went to Torino, Bologna and Genova (fell in love with all of them, of course) and am planning to make a day trip to Como Lake this weekend. Excited.
Had to pay a 25eur fee for using public transportation without the ticket (I did not know how it all worked before, so ok, it happens). Had to pay another 25eur fee (should have bought that goddamn 1.50 ticket before, stupid Isa..) a second time, even after trying to literally pretend to the police officer that I couldn't talk or listen. Well, it did not work out.
Cooking skills are improving. Could not have been any slower, but still improving.
Someone stole my iPhone one night at a bar. You know, losing your boyfriend ain't a big deal, but losing three iPhones in 2 years can be very painful. No more iPhones then. I now have a shitty one, since I will probably lose it again soon.
Windy, my dog, passed away yesterday night. How sad! It might be silly to say such a thing for a dog, but me and her did have great times together and she was the best dog a human being can ever ask for. I heard that my mom has been crying for the whole day back home, and curiously that was not my reaction. It seems like it is not true yet. Perhaps I will make sense of it when I return home and not see her jumping all over me, running all around and barking... in pure joy of my presence.
Milan and Italians still continue to delight me. Every single day. In love with very aspect of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)