December, 21th, 2014. Christmas day is just right around the corner, even though it seems like the whole Christmas spirit gets started whenever the month of December begins. Here in Milan, the outside temperature has been quite low. The buildings with Christmas lights turn dark nights into brighter ones, streets and stores around town are extremely decorated with red carpets, bells of all shapes and sizes, stockings filled with candies and crackers. There are impressive Christmas trees, ornaments and baubles of so many kinds that leaves us wondering whether last year's Christmas was even close to being as beautiful as this one has been.
Throughout the entire month of December you hear people discussing about what to cook, what gifts to buy and where to spend the 25th. I happen to have no special plans for it, so I immediately find myself wishing I was home, wishing that I could live some of my childhood's best memories once again.
Back in time, me and my big family would all spend the 24th, 25th and 26th together. There was always an absurd amount of food on the table and recipes that we hadn't seen during 365 exact days. Each one of us knew each other so well that there was no need to have manners, to act formally or anything like that. In reality, the opposite was true. Grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters would constantly make fun of each other, joking around, telling stories, catching up on the latest events. There was no need to introduce yourself or be introduced to someone else. We were all family members and, Christmas, for us, used to be a huge family gathering time; a few short days we had to watch TV together and eat non-stop until we could no longer walk. We used to exchange gifts, play secret santa, take pictures, etc. There just seemed to be nothing in the world that could be better than that.
"I want to go back. I want to go back and contemplate the joy of Christmas the same way I used to when I was younger," as I constantly thought to myself a couple of weeks ago.
But as I think a little harder, I come to realize that I better stay where I am. Somewhere in between these 5 or 6 years that I have been away during Christmas, more people ended up joining our family. Some of our cousins and relatives got engaged and are now married. Some of them found better job opportunities elsewhere and could never make it to our Christmas celebration again. Some of them no longer get along with each other because of circumstances that none of us can possibly explain why. Some of them have already passed away, others are now holding babies in their arms and planning to spend Christmas Eve at someone else's place.
Perhaps all the nostalgia I feel as Christmas approaches refers to my willingness to do whatever it takes to step inside a time machine and go back to those short best days of the year when me and my family would experience during the holiday. Perhaps all I wanted was that those who are no longer among us could wish me Merry Christmas one more time, or that I could have had at least the chance to say goodbye to them before they were gone. Perhaps I simply wanted to see my family getting along with each other. There is only so much I can take from being aware of people I care about not being able to even stay in the same room together or noticing that the relationship between some of them has been disrupted over time.
Perhaps this is what it means to grow up. To face the idea that the world we live in is not always so wonderful and that life in general is far from being all flowers and rainbows. When we are young, we believe the usually perfect Christmas holiday will be successfully repeated over and over, that family relationships are flawless and that everybody loves each other.
Perhaps the only thing I am left with is to constantly remind myself to enjoy the present to the fullest and all the good people and experiences that might come along with it, because as much as we desire to bring some of our past back into life again, they simply never will.
Places change, people change, relationships change. They all come and go. If you are going through one of those exhilarating moments in life, live it up to it and do not take any second of it for granted. Chances are that you won't get to experience them ever again.
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